FAN OF THE BAND!

it almost kickoff in Auckland, Aucklands Super rugby team are called the Blues. apparantly, that is after a pirate of the same name. A pirate called Blue beard. ive seen him, (not live cos i only go to new zealand when there is a chance of a trophy or im picking up an overrated coach so the wallabies have an excuse!) Blue beard comes around the ground on a pirate ship, a pirate ship on wheels in the middle of a rugby stadium, fake canons blazing as if this stupid weirdo with an oversized head was going into battle against people who cheer for him! and cheer they do, as if there lives depend on it, perhaps the canons are shooting prizes into the crowd, i dont know what would make a group of kiwis cheer so hard bt it must be some sort of Australian visa or dole check!

for years, the pre game and post game show has come and gone from rugby grounds around australia. In Canberra a meeting between the Tahs and Brumbies is usually met by a showing from the Australian Army, they sky dive in and fire canons and everyone claps when clearly its boring as batshit and hs no place on the ground at all! (if these people are so good at there job, why aint they fighting a fucking war somewhere!)

in Waratah land, there used to be a band called SADDLERASH, yep you read that right, they had a meeting of the minds and named there band after the rash you get from riding a horse all day! (i used to get it from my ex wife! not pleasant, she really should have shaved!) Now saddlerash would play after the game, they would encourage everyone to go to one end of the stadium and keep drinking while the band sang covers of songs no one asked to hear! the best thing about the saddlerash experience was that they came onto the ground on a stage being towed behind a tractor, they entered the ground from the opposite end of the field about 10 minutes before full time and slowly crept up the sideline, at times this was hillarious as there isnt much room and the tractor would collect signage and cameramen in its effort to be at the bar by the end of the game! 

when i was backpacking through europe pre game entertainment reached its pinicle though, i went to see London Irish play (cos i was staying near were they played) before the game, they not only had riverdance style entertainment (which was extra funny as riverdance has alot to do with tap dancing and the dancers were prancing on a semi wet field!) this was topped off with a girl from page 3 of the daily mirror posing topless with a retiring player in front of a group of young fans! (and yes she was awesome!, you would happily get saddle rash for a ride on that shit!)

so when i think back on my many trips to the rugby, the ups and downs, the cheerleaders, the pirates, TAHMAN (who doesnt qualify as anything but awesome!), the Barter Buggy Kid, there is something i miss and something that i think needs to make a comeback to rugby everywhere around this great country. The club rugby warm up game. two teams from the local scene or two country teams or even a subbies comp, let them play in front of a crowd, let teams from all divisions apply to play a game in the lead in to a tahs or brumbies or anything in between match! Let there club come out in numbers and colours to support them, let them be involved, make it a fundraising thing, have teams compete raising money for charity, team with the most gets to play a match before the super 14 game. invovle rugby in rugby, i dont need to watch a fuckin pirate or the army, i didnt join the army, i got drunk fat and payed to sit in a fucking chair and watch rugby, so give me what i chose in life.............MORE FUCKIN RUGBY!

jesus out.   

SUPER 15

i was watching a Britney Spears clip and i realised something. While she is getting older i still like to look at her ass!

this brings me to todays topic, Super Rugby. I have Loved the Super Rugby experiment since the game went professional, being a passionate Tah man (not the actual Tah man................. or am i?) ive struggled through some dark years, ive had some great joys, but like watching a Matt Dunning field goal, a lifetime of sitting between the posts has led to the competition itself becoming a bit stale. 

which leads me to Britney, ive never been a fan of her singing, but i like to watch. sort of how i look at the crusaders. hate the fact they win, but love to watch them play!  ive never really loved the super 14, but i love to watch rugby and its a good brand of rugby.

so its with much rejoice that all three unions involved seem to be showing signs of coming together to do something special with providing more games and more local derbys.

i only hope as the competition expands again and things change that they leave the product as is on the pitch. the call to put another team in aus needs to be offset by more international players being allowed here. As was shown with the force the country doesnt produce enough players for the four current teams, and while we are slowly building we do not need another team pillaging talent from the four existing franchises.

part of what makes a team great is when its players and colours stay loyal and traditional. If players start jumping teams left right and centre and changing jerseys or locations then they abandon those that have invested time and money in them.

while making the product bigger and more exciting i would just like to say to those making the decisions, stay loyal to who you already have before you build, we need to build on what we havem not at the expense of it. the money you have is from a company that relies on the general public watching. make us want to watch. but most of all, make sure Britney Spears ass never changes! 

THE TOUR

one of the great joys of playing rugby or being a rugby supporter is the tour.

you get to go to exotic locations such as brisbane, new zealand, south africa or if your really lucky then you might even get to visit canberra.

this story centres on on such rugby trip a few years back to see the waratahs play the brumbies.

it started as four young kids sitting in the SFS one friday night talking about how there was only a couple more home games left and finished with the suggestion of a road trip to Bruce Stadium in Canberra for the game the following weekend.

it was decided what car to take, who was going, who was organising tickets, who was organising accomadation. Jesus being a single strapping lad at the time was given the job of making sure we left on time so we could get porn and fireworks before game time!

so saturday came and we jumped in a car and hit the most boring of freeways to the most boring of towns (sorry perth you cant win everything) the hours ticked by, as the boredom set in, the driver had insisted we could not drink in the car so instead we had to make conversation, without alcohol, gay references and man love are alot more gay than at the pub at 2am, but thats a blog for another time (or perhaps greenandgoldrugby) .

so we arrive in canberra and the young chap in charge of accomadation reveals he hasnt actually booked anywhere, not a problem, its Canberra, it wont be sold out. So we head to the Hostel and on the way i ask if we have to pick the tickets up or if we already had them, turns out we hadnt booked tickets. so we drive out to the stadium to try to get some, SOLD F'n OUT!!!! so no tickets and its already pushing 3pm, game time 7.30, what do you do?

FISHWIJK, or however you spell it, the firework and adult entertainment capital of Australia. so we load up, and head back to sydney, arriving at the local pub just before half time.

you see the rugby tour being the tradition it is doesnt always go smoothly. like a touring Australian team in Jo'burg the road isnt always smooth and clear. You need the group as a whole to come together and deliver on the day.

like a hangover on gameday after a big first night, the tour is met with danger and dizzyness, as you piece together what went wrong on the day, its easy in hiensite to just blame Matt Giteau without realising it was probably Nathan Sharpes fault to!

jesus out!

australian super 14 teams

we have four teams but only one real chance of winning and the answers in the name people.....

NSW WARATAHS - the Waratah is the state emblem of NSW, Light blue is the traditional colour of both the state of NSW and the first ever Australian Rugby team. Tradition, honour, respect, New South F'n Wales!!!!

ACT BRUMBIES- ACT isnt even a state, i know mind boggling isnt it, its a territory, like the ford 4wd of the same name, awkward, bland and with large turning circles! now the name, a Brumby is a wild horse, horses are not native to Australia and are actually considered a pest! in the ACT alone they have two hunting seasons were they actually kill Brumbies. enough said!

Queensland Reds- a funny thing happened in Queensland, they lost the mardi gra despite having a more appropriately named state, then they named there rugby team after a Kangaroo while having the emblem of a koala, bonus points for it actually being a native animal even if they couldnt remember the name! ow did a team that got it so wrong ever recruit Latham, i rate them second best named team in Aus though, (just on Berrick Barnes man love)

Western Force- like a badly named western lacking the glamour of a clint eastwood film. the Force is an example of how modern sporting teams create a tradition of stupidness. Forget that the state emblem is a swan, forget that the same swan is featured on your jersey or rugby emblem and lets run witht he name "force" cos it looks good on a corporate sign.

according to dictionary.com Force = strength or power exerted upon an object; physical coercion; violence 

all things the team in there mid table glory are not but also not representive of anything to do with rugby or the town in which there placed! like the Titans rugby league team or port power in the afl, this is a stupid decision by people creating pop culture and not tradition.

jesus out,

(now blogging daily when he remembers!)

OVERRATED CRAP

when i cracked my first beer today around ten am and sat down to reflect on the weekend past. Many things came to mind,

 who was that ugly girl at 4am that offered me favours of a sexual nature to gain an extra spot in the taxi cue? 

and further more being that we were in the middle of the line, would she keep giving favours till she got to the front of it? 

what if her cab had come before i finished?

is it still my cab or is it the gesture and not the end result that counts?

the answers to these questions are more suited to a relationship and feelings blog like GreenandGoldrugby's!

i want to talk about the most overrated first wallaby cap of any player in recent history!

DICK F@#KIN BROWN

When Wycliff Palu limped off the field in the 37th minute a new wallaby was born. Dick Brown became number eight hundred and something in the list of Wallabies, such names as John Eales, David Campese and Berrick Barnes! now we have Dick Brown!

now dont get me wrong i quite like Dick Brown, he has performed well. but alot of that has to do with being in a mediocre team. if a good player plays next to crap they usually stand out a little. Its why Howill looks so good next to Sharpe.

My problem is that he has been universally praised for his performance in saturday nights loss. why am i upset, he did nothing! a young lass on the TWF.com.au forums wrote "from his first touch you knew he was destined to be the wallaby number 8 for a long time". thats fine, there is a bias there and i accept that she loves Dick Brown, but Dick's first touch was to come off the back of a scrum get picked up and driven back ten metres!

so f that first touch proved anything its if Dick starts under the old laws, Dicks going to shrivel up like...............like a dick in the cold!

now he played well he ran fast, had a youthfull exuberence about him and was in everything. now so is George Bush, only difference is when George Bush gets involved in something he actually makes something happen! if Dick Brown was the first man to Iraq all those years ago, no one in Iraq would have noticed yet, cos Dick in a Ruck = just another body in the way! his aggresiveness that he was billed as having just seems to be speed, he does realise he is meant to be going after or protecting the ball doesnt he?

in summary, when a plump lady offers to blow you for a spot in the cab line, no good can come from it! and when Dick Brown gets to a ruck, dont worry, just go about your bussiness and catch your cab!

jesus out!

I TOLD YOU SO DEANS YOU MORON!

as Palu limped from the field at the 37 minute mark, Australia waved goodbye to two trophies and its dignity!

but the EPIC FAILURE that was the Wallabies campaign 2008 was set in stone a few weeks ago. When Berrick Barnes got injured. now im not going to write another diatribe about how great Berrick is, you all know this by now, the greatest player on earth and rightfully so!

see, we had a training squad and a matchday squad but out of the 30 people plus, we only had one specialist inside centre. (well two, but someone forgot Giteau is an inside centre) we are basicaly stuck with outside outside backs, if Giteau got injured, Berrick was his cover, but who was in the squad to cover Berrick at inside?

im not going to write about the game or bitch about the All Blacks slitting there throats again, ive blogged about that before.

today i ask, if were selecting a team to play in a tournament why the F@#K did we only have one 5/8, inside combo in an entire squad?

master coach my ass, 

Robbie Deans,

 successful resume!

nice guy!

kiwi!

novice!

till a time when the Wallabies rise again,

jesus out..........

TRI-NATIONS 2008-LOOKING BACK, LOOKING FORWARD

As another wonderful Tri-nations campaign draws to a close (when are they revamping the series, cos its come a few years to late!) i thought it was time to review the tournament so far and give the chosen ones preview of saturday nights final.

SOUTH AFRICA- honestly, i dont know what to say about them, blessed with talent, speed and skill but ruined by a board worse than anything NSW rugby can throw up. They started the tournament as world champions and while they cannot lose that title it was shown that the future looks as bright as a second rowers view behind Matt Dunning. Highlights of the campaign were there win over the All Blacks in N.Z and there bounce back flogging of the (Barnesless) Wallabies in there final game. FINISH-3rd (thats last) PREDICTED 2009 FINISH-3rd (thats last)

NEW ZEALAND-missed there world class number seven early in the Tri-nations, when McCaw is out its like the Wallabies without Barnes, they come back to the pack, weather its because when they play within the rules without him and show without his absolutely corrupt playing ability and cheating ways they arnt that great. Even with the slow start and losing a home game to South Africa, the all blacks have managed to put themselves one point ahead at the top of the table going into the final game in brisbane were they will be packing shit at the thought of Berrick being fit enough to play!

FINISH-1st or 2nd   PREDICTED 2009 FINISH- 2nd

AUSTRALIA- imagine an Australia without Vegemite, without Beaches or bush, a void spiritless land without soul. This my friends is like watching a Wallaby team without Berrick Barnes. Barnes has proven he is the greatest rugby player in the history of the universe in 2008, without him the Wallabies are no better than a 1980s Randwick side. Campese was right when he said he would blow Berrick Barnes for free cos Berrick was sexy, im not sure if that is exactly right word for word but i agree with the sentiment totally. As the Wallabies came to a crushing (barnesless) defeat to the hands of the Saffas last week,  Giteau proved why he is overrated as a leader and the backline fell apart. This week the game will hinge on the fitness of the messiah, Berrick Barnes. if Barnes is fit the Wallabies win, if he is injured the All Blacks will flog them.

FINISH- 1st or 2nd   PREDICTED 2009 FINSIH- 1st (only if Barnes is fit)

FINAL PREDICTION- ive already written it but i will spell it out for those who couldnt be bothered reading!

IF BARNES IS FIT- Wallabies by 13

IF BARNES IS INJURED-All Blacks by 24

thankyou all for joining me and happy birthday,

Jesus

next weeks blog - "if south africa get a full black quota cant they sue N.Z over the use of All Blacks?"

THE GREAT GITEAU MYTH

Matt Giteau, 

widely regarded as the best player of the current generation of Wallabies, Matt Giteau can do no wrong. At the beginning of the season he was compared to the All Blacks legend Dan Carter. We were all told by the media, the players and by whoever else wanted to chime in that he was about to come into his own, he was a world class fly half that would help australia return to the glory days.

this like many things at the start of the season has been exposed as a lie!.

Now i know that those out West and even some in Brumby land (were Gits will return in 2010)  will argue with me that he is in fact the messiah, but i strongly believe that without Berrick Barnes outside him, Matt Giteau is not the first choice 5/8th in the country.

Now at super 14 level he is hailed as a hero, but the force finished 8th and only won one more game than they lost this year, including beating just one other aussie team, whilst losing to the reds and tahs. 

in internationals he has played mostly at number 12, and while he has racked up wins and losses he has usually been surrounded by great players. in starting out his career as a 12 at the brumbies and wallabies he played outside Larkham, Larkham was a convert from fullback and played a game at fly half different to the more conventional link players of the era. Larkham ran at the defence allowing those outside him to enjoy a little bit of extra space as the defence patterns of the time had to wait for Larkham to run or pass before they could rush up on the outside. this allowed Giteau time to sum up his choices and snipe at players adjusting in defence, he is great at this and exploited it well!

flash forward to today, he is playing fly half and is being confronted by set defence that rushes him and his decision making. Giteau is a great player but at 5/8 he is slowly being exposed as a poor decision maker, the number of balls that wet to ground from his passing in south africa cannot be blamed on the out of place Tahu or rushing South Africans, it has to fall on the shoulders of the man who is responsable for running the attack in the first place, that man is Matt Giteau.

the problem with Giteau is, his early season form, when everyone was on the band wagon praising him came when he was standing next to the man who could truly be the messiah of wallaby rugby! that man is Berrick Barnes!

Barnes and Giteau work in tandem, they swap between 1st and 2nd reciever and share the workload. Giteau does his best work when he gets the ball deeper infield allowing him to hold his step and change direction rather than having to go with the status quo of linking with those outside him. without Berrick, it has been plane to see that after a career of having great or senior number 12's next to him, Giteau isnt ready to run a backline on his own, the amount of time he takes for himself to sum up what to do limits the space of those outside him. in the games so far this year when we have broken the line through phase play, the balls from Giteau that have allowed this have been short inside passes. on the rare occasion he has thrown a long or cut out pass to a line break it has been while the defence has already been back tracking or in broken play. 

Barnes on the other hand, seems to be a few phases ahead of the play, when he slots into first reciever he seems to take the added pressure and responsibility within his stride, having Giteau outside him (after he has been pummeled all year with the reds) seems to make him excited, his decision making is terrific and allows Giteau the extra time to set up the midfield. Robbie Deans at the Crusaders and now with Australia seems to stick with having an extra playmaker, problem is, without barnes, do we have one playmaker?